rojak. i ate that for dinner!

I had a great time with Wee, duane and jack at the ktv today. hmm, the last time we went ktv was with windz and that was when jack was still in kiwiland. now that jack is back, windz is not in Singapore. owwww... hope one day windz, jq and all of us will meet and have an even better ktv session!

i don't know how many songs i've 唱坏 during the ktv session. now that i've totally lost my image in front of my three buddies, i don't think i'll care about singing nicely before them in future. it's relaxing to be able to come out of my shell and destroy songs and have fun at the same time. the best thing about the ktv session is knowing that i have very encouraging friends who don't mind enduring my horrific singing and are willing to sing old songs with me!

just two days ago, i asked jack if he'll look for me if i disappear one day, i.e. i don't ask them out anymore, i don't go on msn etc. he said he would but probably he won't be so sensitive about my disappearance. jack thought that Wee would bother to look for me more than he would. actually i was rather happy with jack's reply, not about him bothering less than Wee but the fact that he would bother to look for me.

there were times in my life when i simply decided to stay away from people. and then, people simply stayed away from me. however, during that period, if there is anyone who bothers to take me out, talk to me kindly, and make me feel important, i would be very grateful to the person's kindness.

i've met several people like that. my ex was one. jiayu was one. jingwei and cheese as well. Wee too. be it just that once that they bothered to help me enjoy the day better than i could on my own, i'll always be grateful to them and they will always take up special places in my heart.

I'm not a person who believe in meeting people to fill up empty moments, or having people around during miserable times. i am a firm believer that it is such moments that should be left to oneself to endure and to overcome. i never exactly think from my friends'angle because i never truly had to play that role for any of my friends. seemingly, all along, i've been imposing my 'standard' on my friends. besides i'm stingy when it comes to expressing love, care and concern, my imposing of such 'standard' probably make some of my friends feel that i'm so aloof.

after internalising a piece of bad news today, i learn and feel that friends who care, can be as upset as the friend who is suffering, not because the suffering is contagious, but because there's only so much a friend can do. it takes me 22 years to learn this. and it is the first time in 22 years that i feel helpless because i don't know how to console a friend. probably no one needs much consoling cos most things are simply beyond words. i'm not good with words. just hope the the sincerity reaches the person i hope to console， afterall sincerity is something that 只可意会不可言传.

so now, those people i already appreciated have taken up even more important seats in my heart. i won't say i understand exactly how they felt but i do feel a certain level of helplessness they gone through while helping me to pull myself together in the past. i'm very touched and grateful that they were willing to go through such uncomfortable feeling for me.

so now, I take back what i said in the previous entry about friendship being preferred by the faint-hearted. i guess, as long as relationships exist, be it between family, lover or friends, they'll always provide the same 感动 and 冲动 that constantly remind us that we're still very much alive.