I'm enjoying a superficial aspect of life.

Most of the time I'm happy. I enjoy being busy, can be busy doing the meaningless things that keep me feeling a useful person. And feel happy at the occasional appreciation of my hard work.

I'm tired from the lack of quality sleep. Its getting on my nerves. Guess some people think I'm quite stressed from work. I think its because I don't have anything to occupy my mind other than work. Work is as important to me as how academic performance is important to a mugger. Its a lot of my personal fears thats causing me to behave the way I am now. Its not like I expect anyone to understand, its not anything i wish to talk about in-depth either.

I don't like how this is getting to me but I guess I'm not looking hard enough for a way out. Some times i really hope there's someone to tell me what to do.

Its not going to happen.

I tell people that I go to work everyday feeling like quitting everyday. I also tell people who care, that I am trying to change how I feel; I've been asking myself how can I make work something I can enjoy like a hobby? These days I'm talkative, I smile generously, laugh even, ... its like changing how I physically behave can, hopefully, condition my mind to think and my heart to feel differently. Seems like others feel more positive than I am.

Every time i hear of how people give up on what they've been doing for the past 1 year, I feel so tempted to follow. tsk. But I tell myself if there's anything i am good for, its my perseverance.

So in the end, I'm still stuck in a rut.


sometimes i think, if only people give one another more space and tolerance. If only there is no emotional dependencies, no commitment, no expectations. Yet everything good remains as they are. If only life is as definite as 1 + 1 = 2, life would be less complex.

Someone i miss thinks that if life isn't full of challenges it loses its fun factor.

The person has so much passion for life. If only such passion is super contagious...


And here's my fav song of all times,



And I found this website, Songfacts, that sometimes tells the story behind beautifully composed music. =D wonder if there's a similar website for chinese songs