My Grandma is thinking of marrying me off

Just came out from the bathroom! I smell good!

First of all, thank you Timothy and Interceptwind for your support! My store will be outside the 7-eleven at Blk 451 Clementi Avenue 3. =O) if anyone reading this blog happens to be there on the 16th, please say hi to me! *big smile*

Anyway, i visited my grandma last sunday. She seems to be in a better health cos i can see her wriggling her toes. i never used to think that being able to wriggle toes is a great thing until i saw her few months ago when her feet was numb and she couldn't even feel the presence of her toes. now that her health seems to be improving, it really sets my heart at ease.

somehow, on that day i don't know what triggered her thoughts, she suddenly said to me that she doesn't know if she'll live to see me married.

I always remember that my grandma cares a lot for me. but in a teochew family, the elders always prefer boys to girls, consequently i grow up with the mentality that no matter how much an elder care about me, they still have more concern for boys. it's sort of an emotional unbalance (心理不平衡）that i have because of my family.

i thought my grandma was already very happy to witness her eldest grandson's wedding. i thought she would probably just look forward to her next grandson's wedding etc... Therefore, when she said that she doesn't know if she'll live to see my wedding, i felt so touched. i don't know if anyone will understand my feeling... i felt so happy to know that she puts me in her heart even though my marriage is probably worrying her or upsetting her.. or may even form part of her regrets in her life.

after she said that to me, i was so surprised at that i didn't know what to say. i just laughed. erh... i can't possibly let her see how touched i was. in fact i was frantically fumbling for some words to comfort her.... eventually i ended up telling her that i don't want to get married. My grandma went on and said that i should find a good man and get married. then, as usual, i laugh it off. i told her that all the good men are already married. My mum was present and laughing with me throughout the conversation. and i thought that was the end of the episode.

This afternoon my mum came to me excitedly with a story she read on a local chinese tabloid --- a girl contracted a disease that cause her to lose all her hair (on the body + head). She felt that she couldn't be with her boyfriend in that state, so she decided to leave him. Then some time later, she found a new boyfriend who doesn't mind her illness. The new boyfriend wants to marry the girl and he is willing to shave all his hair for her. --- Subsequently, my mum told me that "see, this boy loves the girl so much. There are still boys like that around these days."

well, i didn't realise her intention of telling me that story until i thought of the conversation with my grandma on Sunday.

Even though i told my grandma that i don't want to get married, i just didn't want her to feel that she would miss out something in her life. i don't know how else to answer her since i can't possibly tell her that i'll marry early! it's like... what can you possibly tell your grandma if she suddenly pop that comment? Besides, marriage is such an untouchable thing!

On second thoughts, maybe i over-reacted to my grandma's comment. While women of her time marry as early as 16 or 17 years old, i'm already 21. Considering that i'm in tertiary school when girls of her time count themselves lucky to be able to finish elementary school, probably she's just thinking that it is not right that i am still not married. I remember that back then my grandma didn't want me to study in university because she wants me to work and get married.

*smile*