I like people who say "I have no money"

Because...
1) I like to believe that they are honest about it
2) I am also one of those "no money" people
3) Either they are not afraid to be condemned by the people they are telling to
4) or they have faith in people not to condemn them.

I hate to mention this here.

Recently I told someone that that I have no money to go for KTV which was meant to welcome a friend who came all the way back from U.S. The KTV session was supposed to be a very important gathering. I understand and I want to spend time with that friend who came all the way to Singapore. But I have no money.

I didn't intend to tell anyone that I have no money for KTV. I just thought that I could seek an opinion and hopefully be relieved of some guilt. I remembered that the last time I went for KTV, I paid more than 10 bucks (or was it slightly below $20) and I didn't sing...and I felt awkward being in a room where everyone seems to be eeerr..singing.

But just when I thought I knew that "someone", he surprised me. I felt condemned that I have no money to go for the KTV and refuse to borrow or receive "sponsorship" for the KTV. Perhaps it's just my inferiority complex that made me feel condemned. Or maybe it's because of my pride which does not allow me to "take" money that way. Whatever it is, I don't like to be imposed the thought that "friends need money to upkeep" and I don't like to be accused of treating my friends as if they are white elephants.

I like 爱己如亲的朋友。not friends who need $$ to upkeep. If friends need money to upkeep, then friends are indeed white elephants. But I don't take friends to be white elephants. Acquaintances yes. Not friends.

I never intend to bitch about this issue here. I just saw an email from another someone who used vulgarities etc to scold people who refused to turn up for the gathering because of the KTV. It made me so angry. (the email might not be directed to me. but the concept behind the email is warpped!)

My dad is just a taxi-driver and the sole-breadwinner of the family. I stay in a 4-room HDB flat. I am not very poor but I do not have spare cash. I plan my expenditure all the time and sometimes I starve just because I need money for a planned expenditure. So that "planned expenditure" needs to fit MY needs as much as my friends' needs so that it is worth me starving for. For example, KTV is meant for everyone to sing. If i don't sing and I just show my presence for the sake of some "moral support" for the friend who came to Singapore, then there are other ways of showing that sort of support. That's why I went to the airport to send the friend off.

When that friend who came to Singapore asked me why I didn't turn up at the KTV, I didn't know what to answer. I was scared that we would end up feeling disappointed with each other because of the money issue.

I am not asking for pity etc. I ask for my friends' understanding. I understand that it is "rare" to meet up with some people so when the chance comes, it is time to splurge. However, after that rarity, life still goes on. I prefer to take a realistic view of life... Does the satisfaction of companionship diminish if we choose a cheaper alternative of spending the time together?

If yes, then I'm sorry. You are materialistic.

I have acquaintances telling me that if i cannot afford the money to share a birthday present, I can just pay what I am able to. I appreciate that. and they are only acquaintances.

Currently, I am working as a banquet waitress so that I can go on an exchange to Hong Kong next year. I am not boasting that I'm great because I am a banquet waitress. I work because I want to make my hope of going on exchange a reality. I don't work to support white elephants.

I know that my financial difficulty is my own burden. I don't impose it on anyone. I never expect people to change their outing plans just because of me alone. Whoever understands my plight, I hope you won't feel guilty asking me out or making me spend because if I agree to it, I would have planned for the expenditure.

I don't know if some people will be angry reading the above. As I said, I didn't wish to bring this issue up. I just wonder if my thinking is perverse or warpped or selfish or whatever. I find it hard to decide for myself if my way of thinking is wrong. If it seems wrong to the masses, then i would have to do some reflection on my own. So, please correct me if I am wrong.

Thank you.