Bad day

I attended a mock interview organized by my school this morning. The mock interview was conducted by graduates from my school and they are people who "so-called" know what the industry is looking for in hiring people. I signed up for it because I thought it might help me to prepare for my internship interviews on the coming Tuesday. All along, I didn't expect an interview to be something serious, as in, in my opinion, an interview is merely a chit-chatting session. But not anymore now.

My interviewer is a female highflyer who appeared as very aggressive and competitive person.

Below is the highlights of the interview session:

Beginning...
she>> take a seat
me>> thank you //I take a seat
she>> you just had class is it? //look at me from top to toe
me>> no. I came from home
she>> you are very badly dressed. How can you wear open toe shoes to an interview? //she has a look of disgust on her face
me>> erm... ... ...I'm sorry. I would dress appropriately next time. //I was wearing an office skirt, heels but open toes, office blouse and black casual jacket.
she>> //still has the look of disgust on her face
me>> //feel like finding a hole and bury myself.
she>> nevermind. Tell me about yourself. //still wearing the look of disgust.
me>> erm, I'm a third year student pursuing a bachelor of accountancy degree in (my school). etc..
she>> why did you choose accountancy?
me>> because I feel that I prefer number to words. I'm a more quantitative than a qualitative person.
she>> WRONG!! Do you know that auditors don't just look at numbers? they look at all sorts of things, contracts, etc.. if you're going to just look at numbers, then how are you going to be an auditor?
me>> actually, because I know my weakness in the qualitative aspect, that's why I chose to take on Law as my second major. It would help me to pay more attentions to details especially when looking at contracts.
she>> //look of disgust
me>> //feel like hiding in a hole again
she>> I can see that you did very well in your audit module.
me>> Thank you //???? I don't understand why she highlight that.
she>> How do you go about auditing a poultry company.
me>> I would look at the physical environment of the company, such as how are the poultry arranged, whether they are in rows, and how many chicken/duck in each row, then do a physical count.
she>> then how are you going to know if the chicken belongs to the company?
me>> I'll look at the receipts of the company for buying the chicken
she>> How do you record a sale by a software company using double entry?
me>> erh... credit sales and .... //sudden my mind went blank and I got very confused as to debit COGS or what? but I know it is wrong.... the last time I got in touch with that topic was year 1 term 1.
me>> erm... I'm sorry, I don't know how.
she>> this is very basic. debit sales credit accounts receivable. how can you not know? At least you should ask me about the credit terms of the company. whether cash / accounts receivable. //very angry and disgusted look on her face
me>> //nod my head. feel like leaving the room immediately.
she>> then how do you verify whether the CPF paid by the company is correct?
me>> Sorry, I beg your pardon?
she>> CPF!!!
me>> oh, I would look at the pay slips for the employees, then check up on the current CPF rates then do a calculation to check if the value is correct.
she>> at least you get this right. //still wearing the twisted look of anger and disgust
she>> what is your long term goal?
me>> I hope to have career in the auditing field, a stable career with opportunity for advancement.
she>> you can't even get your basics right and you want to be an auditor?? how can you be an auditor like this? //very disgusted look on her face
me>> I would brush up on my technical skills. Besides I think auditors need a broad set of skills. For example, I'm planning to take up a third language.
she>> is your 2nd language good? //look-down-on-me look on her face
me>> Yes //super confident
she>> then can you translate an entire balance sheet to Chinese?
me>> technical terms in balance sheet is very different from the usual translation. However, I can translate if I find out the technical terms in Chinese
she>> how do you say balance sheet in Chinese?
me>> erm... //???
she>> how do you say audit in Chinese?
me>> erm... //I know what audit in Chinese is, but at that moment I simply can't recall. lousy
me>> I'm sorry, I don't know.
she>> then you still think your Chinese is good.
Ending...
she>> You look like you're going to cry. I am not being personal here.*repeat many times*
me>> // yea.. I was trying very hard not to cry.

I admit that I did not even prepare myself mentally for this interview. there are may aspects that i could have done better and those are things within my ability. However, i think she is being very personal and unprofessional in her interview approach. Her tactlessness, i feel, is downright insulting. Who says that auditors must behave her her? aggressive and competitive? can't i choose to be an approachable, low defense auditor who is willing to listen to a client's problem? So long as I stick to the code of integrity, who says i cannot be an auditor? I even aim to be a forensic auditor. but she made me feel so worthless.

In the end, I called my bf and told him everything. I couldn't stop crying on my way home while talking to my bf... I never felt my esteem for my accounting skills so shattered ... I was appalled at how vulnerable I am. I didn't know why I couldn't defend myself and stop myself feeling hurt by her crude comments which are personal attacks.

Actually, right now, I just came home from work and my head is hurting very badly. I still have a mid-term exam to complete by Monday.

Today's work is alright. Nothing bad happened. But on my way to work, I was so tired from all the crying that I slept on the bus. An old man called out to me and asked me where I was heading because the bus was going to make a U-turn after the coming bus stop. For that moment, I felt that people are still warm at heart.... I was so so touched! especially after I had gone through hell with that interviewer... I feel that I'm super worthless that no one will bother to take a second look at me... and yet that old man bothered to ask me if I am heading the right way.

Another thing, I had a short conversation with a guest,
he>> are you local or from china?
me>> local.
he>> oh, there are a lot of china people working here. quite rare to find locals. you work part time here?
me>> yes. //clearing table
he>> are you still schooling?
me>> yeap! in university. //clearing table
he>> which one?
me>> //I told him where I'm from
he>> yea... can tell you're a university student. //his wife and friends all agreed with him...etc..
he>> it's very rare to find university students still working to work as a waitress
me>> hehe.. thank you. //I hope I can just be a waitress for my life.

yet another thing, my team leader asked me "you from china ar?" I replied "no." I almost wanted to tell him that "you asked me the same question about 2/3 weeks ago. what's your problem? you have a fetish for china girls is it?" I never thought of that team leader in that sense when he asked me that same questions the first time round. but.. how could he ask me again!!!!! damn. it shows that he's not interested in knowing his subordinate, but interested in the fact of whether he has yet another china girl under him. die die die!!!!

Sometimes I feel that this world is not meant for an introvert. I feel so condemned. I feel like quitting school. I feel like not attending the interviews next week... I lost all that little bit of confidence in myself. My bf thinks I am too sensitive and takes things too seriously. He thinks I've been so busy and stuck in my work that I'm losing many things. He thinks I need a break and a change of environment. But I can;t afford to give up now... and I think, I am one of the few people who have super high level of perseverance, shouldn't i be commended for that?

come to think of it, if my interviewer is really being herself when she was interviewing me, i think she is pathetic. she's too intolerant of people who are different from her and i think she has never tasted failure in her life. she's perhaps losing out on even more things in life than i do.