My Hundredth Post
Just when i feel that i have a lack of companion to do the things i like to do, my primary school buddy came to my rescue.
For a start, we went to the East Coast Park for cycling. Both of us haven't been there in a while. ECP has changed a fair bit from what i remembered. We found a new sandcastle building section on the beach.
There were a few pros building the huge sandcastle in the picture. At the same time, there was a guy explaining to a curious crowd on how to go about building a sandcastle with equipments they are selling. 
There were quite a few sandcastles like these lying on the beach. it's a pretty sight, isn't it?
There is also a new cable skiing centre. The skiing area seems small from afar but when we cycled around the lagoon, it felt as big as two or three soccer fields. hehe 
Last but not least, we went to the bedok jetty. I'm still puzzled with its name since it is neither located in Bedok nor is it a true jetty. Anyway, this place reminded me of the time when Jia, Cel and i hang out at ECP and our mini bbq two years ago. =O) 
Our ultimate plan is to cycle at Pulau Ubin next weekend. I've been there once some years ago but i doubt i know how to get to the quary on my own this time round. Then again, i feel that my buddy has a great sense of direcion (so much better than myself), so finding our way around shouldn't be a huge problem.
2 comments:
Peifang,
The stuff you say here amazes me. I wished you talked to me with such deep levels, this deeply about your problems. It makes me know you better as you as a person, than knowing you as a person of problems and nothing else. I regret not having personally realize that this was the main stumbling block. Besides listening to you, I want to share your emotional feelings and deepest thoughts about your problems. I wanted to also feel that we were in it together. I don't like to feel that I'm just a bystander that you happen to be able to talk to.
I really apologize that I end up trying to figure out where you kept your blog, but I was so desperate. I did not even know you kept a blog like this. (Thankfully my interests in trying to read your chinese entries in your old blog, with help in the Japanese language too has made me able to catch up in my abilities in Chinese, yada yada but that's another story). I wished I knew your friends. Then I would not have done things blindly on my own. I guess I was trying to be too clever. I should have followed my heart and you.
Talk to me again. Like this. I want to know you like this. I'd like to have the emotional connection too, rather than only just sharing the sadness and misery of your had a problem. I understood how you feel, but you also need to tell me things like this, in order to support one another. Then I know that there's a purpose with being there for you during your trials in life. I would have liked to know that you will be with me when you have hard times. You're not the only one who needs somebody around when you're having problems. Someone you talk to also wants to take comfort in the fact that you'll still keep yourself going. Because they care. I cared a lot too.
You should learn to share more.
I apologize for all the misunderstandings and confusion. But I hope to see you again in the far future. I feel that it's the wrong time for me to talk to you like this, but somehow I tend to do the wrong things at the wrong time because I'm just so impatient.
I'm very sorry. I hope you'll forgive me and learn to be able to talk to me again. I did not mean to have said those things, and I did not know that the things I said meant so differently from what I intended them to be. I've been wanting to say that to you. But circumstances were so wrong, I should have waited instead.
(I'm not posting comments to pull off stunts or to show off. I think this is the place where I can talk to you. Emails get lost. I lose my words over the phone. These thoughts happen to me, and so far, I can only use this to communicate with you. I wished I had more condusive environments like this. Please understand that I have my own regrets. I don't intend to make a scene, and knowing you, not many other people would know about this. It's not in my intention. I just feel that I can now only talk to you in writing.)
To anyone else reading this in case they misunderstand,
I'm not implying that Peifang is a lousy girlfriend and I don't mean to. She's a great girlfriend to be with.
In fact, as a person, she is great, except she lacks certain communication skills involving the interaction aspects of it.
You need to stop living in shadows, Peifang. It restricts your potential.
I had the same problems that you had in your life. Only my chinese teacher hates me, and I believe I can also succeed even when they think i'm hopeless. I was as stubborn and everything as you were.
But it does hurt to be so hard upon yourself. After reading your blog, I understand better now. About your character that you believed contributed to your successes now, but it has it's limits and I think you have yet to learn how to see that your successes are a small part of larger side of things about yourself. You don't have to go to such extremes to succeed. You're a smart, sensible girl. Push yourself, but not punish yourself. I've been telling you these for many years.
Silly girl.
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