TVB's Point of No Return

I can't seem to get a scene from the show out of my mind,

That day, Chilam and Charmaine went back to school to take their graduation photo. Chilam overheard that Charmaine would be marrying the doctor and they would migrate overseas after the marriage. By then, Chilam already broke up with Charmaine for a relatively long time. By then, Chilam had also failed many attempts at reconciling with Charmaine. That day, Chilam keep spying on Charmaine while pretending that he doesn't care for her presence. Chilam had told his friend, Biqi, that he got over Charmaine and that he accepted the fact that they would never be together. But he hasn't.

At the end of the photo taking session, Chilam went back to his classroom. He sat at his desk, the desk that Charmaine used to sit after Chilam quitted school. Chilam began to think of how he met Charmaine in school, how he used to play tricks on her, how they ended up falling in love, their first kiss, and their many sweet moments. Just when Biqi walked into the classroom, Chilam ran out towards Charmaine. He knelt down before Charmaine. (in front of Charmaine and his principal and classmates; and Charmaine's finance) He told her how miserable he was without Charmaine in his life, how much he loved her, he needed her, he will change for her... and he asked for one chance to be with Charmaine again.

Of course, before this scene, Chilam had been writing many letters to Charmaine. He had also been asking his friends to find out about Charmaine's life. Upon learning of Charmaine's habit of writing her feelings on a wall, Chilam faithfully read the scribblings on the wall hoping to find Charmaine's love for him. Even after Chilam learnt that Charmaine fell in love with the doctor, Chilam continued to read Charmaine's writings on the wall.

He did all these behind Charmaine's back.


I'm wondering if there are many 20 odd year-old people watching this kind of drama. =O) Wondering who are the people who will like this kind of drama.

From a viewer's point of view, I can understand how Chilam felt about losing Charmaine and how badly he wanted her back. I can practically feel what he was feeling for Charmaine. But i wonder if it is neccesary that he goes that far to win her back? doesn't he know how much distress his action would bring to Charmaine?

Even a stupid man will know. I don't mean to insult a stupid man. Even an EQ-零蛋 will know how much hurt he is doing to the girl.

Only a selfish man doesn't know. A selfish man only thinks of how badly he wants the girl back.

Only a proud/self-righteous man doesn't know. A proud man only thinks he is saving the girl from making a wrong decision. He thinks, the man the girl loves the most is always himself.

I don't remember this scene because i want to scold Chilam.

I remember because I feel that if i am younger, i could be touched by Chilam.

I have been watching romance drama all these years. They give me so many dreams and hopes of a 轰轰烈烈的爱情。but after i had a taste of such relationship, i learn that it is very tiring. yes, the love is strong and buring. but there will be too much jealousy, too much insecurity and too much possessiveness. Even though there is just as much happiness, i guess its easy to get burnt out if a person doesn't know how to handle the intensity of feelings. Things like frequent quarrels, cold war, "third-party" will come in. Eventually, either one party will break up in tears.

after that, i yearn for a 细水长流 kind of relationship. But i guess, after experiencing a 轰轰烈烈 relationship, 细水长流 is just too bland. Everything can be going smoothly. 没大喜，没大悲。In 细水长流 relationship, there is no big events to anchor the relationship or no milestones to remember or just nothing to remind/refresh the strong feelings of love. hence the love can fade away if the nitty gritty things in life gets too real to be true. For me, it's difficult to remember the love after a while.

When i was drowning in the 轰轰烈烈 relationship, i didn't need a guy to forsake his dignity to knee like Chilam. I just wished that the guy showed a fraction of Chilam's perserverance and sincerity. I hoped he could write letters to me and display his happiness openly when he read my replies, just like Chilam did. I hoped the person would be as 天真浪漫 as Chilam, could play, joke, chat with me about the most nonsensical, childish, bo-liao things in life. that's why, if i am much younger than now, i could be touched by his actions.

But i guess, 人只可以年轻一次。no matter how 天真浪漫 a person can be, the person will grow up. And i suppose there are things that people will only do if they are young. I wouldn't believe that a mature man will actually knee down to beg for love knowing well that it is impossible for the girl to love him again. Similarly, i believe that there are things that people will only accept if they are young.

Maybe if Charmaine is a little immature, she may fall for Chilam's tactic. Perhaps things would be different if their relationship happened when both of them are even younger, maybe then Chilam can win Charmaine back.

From my viewpoint as a 20 odd year-old person, if i am Charmaine i will think that Chilam is being childish, that he thinks that if he begs like a child, I would relent and let him have his way. I will wonder when Chilam will grow up and what will help him understand. I will think Chilam is inconsiderate and causing distress to his and my friends. i will think Chilam is dispicable because he has been spying on me. I understand why Chilam did what he did, but I cannot stop myself from disliking what he did. at the same time, all that he did will make me feel guilty for hurting him who is a man so pure at heart. I will dislike myself for hurting him. I will dislike myself for not helping him understand enough so that he will stop doing things to hurt himself. I may be worried of his future, whether i have destroyed his pride, ambition and dreams. I may convince myself that i destroyed the man, and will feel extremely guilty about it. I will also dislike myself for having him done such an act before my finance. Eventually, I will breakdown. But no matter how guilty i feel, i will not return to a man like Chilam. Definitely, the tactic of kneeing before the public will not work. Perhaps if he didn't knee, i would dislike him less.

Come to think of it, i wonder what Charmaine felt when she was acting in the role of the girl.

As i was saying, i wonder what kind of person will like the show. and what kind of "like" the person feels towards the show.

Is it the it-reminded-me-of-a-similar-past-experience kind of "like"? Then, is this person the kind who is still stuck in the mood for 轰轰烈烈 relationship? or one who has already given up on everything and just reminiscing the past?

Is it the i-used-to-be-in-biqi's-position kind of "like"? then the person possibly is a 自虐狂 who has a heart that can hold a big ship and is quite selfless. A great person but kind of destined to be a 配角, easily forgotten by people.

Is it the i-hope-i-can-be-like-chilam's-kind-of-lover kind of "like"?
Is it the i-hope-to-experience-this-kind-of-轰轰烈烈-relationship kind of "like"?

what should i say?
just don't yearn for that if you can. even if you yearn for that, hope you don't get that. even if you get that, i hope you survive that and grow stronger thereafter.






Just wrote a whole chunk of rubbish because of a Chilam drama. It goes to show that Chilam acted well! =O)

There's nothing special going on this week. I've been attending school faithfully and learning nothing from my prof but from my self-study. Can't believe i can bring myself to read so many Acts, like the Distress Act, Residential Property Act, Property Tax Act, Income Tax Act, Immigration Act, Stamps Duties Act, Land Title (Strata) Act, Land Title Act... why? just because i need to quote the section of the law to support my project.

Talk is cheap. Prof gets so much money for preaching principles. I understand the value of principles but what is principles without the real thing? I don't want to bitch about her lah. Just feel angry. She quotes US law, her impressions of what Singapore law should be like, know totally nothing about our tax laws, and she is facilitating a law class. She even believed a wrong tax law that i told her in class! WOW!! I can write her a PF TAX LAW and probably sell her as her new class material next sem. I promise i'll be a great help to her in interpreting my law laws + the principles behind the law. then again, probably she can smoke her way through without my help. I can really feel her zero-sincerity for teaching and her hunger for money. She doesn't facilitate, just confuses people who have no background in finance and tax.

When i ask her questions, her reply is "what do you think?" *pursed her lips + the look as if i'm her a naughty grandchild who just stepped on her* Anyway, the time for revenge is here. I'll definitely mark her down in the term review. hope i won't see her again in school. swindler.