I just came back from Wee and Windz' blogs. Oh my...

Yes... all of us came home past 5am. And yes, i didn't exactly have the luxury of sleeping the day away cos i shopped so much today. *faint* luckily there are buses to take naps in.

actually, i feel that everyone would have a tendency to, sometimes, belittle themselves, well, maybe its just on one of those days when you feel you don't look as pretty (or suave) as you usually are or don't stand as tall as you usually are...or one of those days when you feel you're smaller than the smallest guy you know.

I feel that way quite often.

In the past, it was a great comfort to me knowing that there's a person who believe very much in me, so much more than what i believe in myself. Now that i have no such person in my life, i either swallow all those insecurities or I'll tell my buddies.

mm.. many pats on the back is sometimes quite effective in 'piak-ing' away those insecurities. An approving smile, a gentle should rub, a warm hand, an itchy finger (to poke you)... or even a heartwarming comment can break the unhappiness cycle.

mm...i think there are many things in life which we cannot take in our own hands. it depends a lot of how people feel towards you, depends on luck or fate, depends on how you want to make of the situation. It's frustrating when you want something so badly, but you don't know how to get it. Budak Pantai has a song which goes "if you want it, so badly, you'll make it in the end..." I believe sometimes perseverance pays off (this song happens to be my graduation theme song. It keeps playing in my head when i finally get my 2nd upper honors =p)

Then again, if after you've put in your best effort but you still don't get your desired result, at least you have no more regrets in life, right? i think, the key is not to give up when you still have that weeny bit of flame burning in you, who knows, whatever you want may fly to you if only you had persevere a little more.

Persevere as you may, it shouldn't be imposed on others. there's something call emotional blackmail, it's terribly horrid. it can morph an angel into a wolf cloaked in sheep skin.

While i think giving up is a bad option, I've given up on what i really wanted in the past. I'm definitely not in a good position to give an opinion. then again, having been at the giving end, and the receiving end, i just think that any decision is preferably made together with the party involved and not just you and you alone. giving the involved party or parties an option to decide is good. no one likes to feel trapped in any situation, no one likes their fate decided by others too.

erm.. in any case, if all else fails, you're still who you are, a great friend to me and i'm sure to your many other friends too. you may think less of yourself, i guess it's normal lah... but do remember that to your friends, you're still a great person. so important that we can't play mahjong without! =D not only that of course, you're so important that we saved all the fun simply to wait for your return!

here goes, my signature smile! *smileZ* =D

[this entry probably won't make much sense cos i'm half asleep typing this while fang da tong was going 'ai ai ai' so many times on my laptop... nitez]