These days i think a lot about why some people just don't seem to give a damn about me. Either they conveniently forget about my presence or they are more curt when speaking with me compared to other people.

Sometimes i wonder if it's just because i haven't been feeling great about myself that's why i have this impression or is it just a reality that i have a kiam-pak face that people like to be mean to me =D

Or is it just because it is night time that i start to think random thoughts.


I read a short story by Haruki Murakami. One part of the story goes,

"you look a little glum these days," he said.
"you think so?" i sad
"you must be thinking about things too much in the middle of the night," he said. "I've stopped thinking about things at night."
"How'd you manager that?"
"When i get depressed, i start to clean. Even if its two or three in the morning. i wash the dishes, wipe off the stove, mop the floor, bleach the dish towels, organise my desk drawers, iron every shirt in sight," he said, stirring his drink with his fingers. "i do that till i'm exhausted, then i have a drink and go to sleep. In the morning i get up and by the time i'm putting on my socks i can't even remember what it was i was thinking about."
...
"People think of all kinds of things at three in the morning. We all do that. That's why we each have to figure out our own way of fighting it off"

realised that these days i smile a lot less, frown a lot more. my technical knowledge is pathetic that i constantly face problems at work. sometimes i think my education is too limited. the more impatient i get with myself, the more impatient clients are with me, the more upset i get. it's becoming a vicious cycle.

.... sorry if i whine too much.

Anyway, i went for ktv just now. it's cheap!! $10nett per person (minimum three people) on a Sunday afternoon for five hours. I had fun singing my rubbishy songs and irritating my gf. haven't had so much fun in a long time... kind of miss going out to play, eat good food and just slacking somewhere to chat about anything under the sky.

it's a good way to brace myself for the long week ahead.

hope you guys are doing fine too.

*breathe deeply*

p/s. 张学友 is coming back to S'pore for another round of concert. I'm kind of tempted to go despite the ex ex tix. I remember he has a song 情书 that goes,

"哦可惜爱不是几滴眼泪几封情书哦---
这样的话或许有点残酷
等待着别人给幸福的人
往往过的都不怎么幸福
哦可惜爱不是忍着眼泪留着情书哦---
伤口清醒要比昏迷痛楚
禁闭着双眼又拖着错误
真爱来临时你要怎么留得住"

My friend hope you get well soon.