On Friday night, Jack, Duane, Andy and I met up for dinner and a midnight movie. It's kind of funny how the four of us have so much 默契。 Among the four of us, Jack, Duane and i are perpetual late comers. That day, we agreed to meet at 7.15pm but because i went shopping and Andy had meeting, we decided to meet at 7.45pm instead. Luckily Andy had a meeting in school, else he would probably ended up having to wait at least half an hour for the three of us. (and thankfully he didn't get a taxi before my sms reached him.) Jack was still in the Jurong area at 7.15pm even though he missed the sms i sent about meeting half an hour later. so in the end, Andy, Duane and i came on the same train around 7.45pm and Jack didn't have to be late for our meeting.

The movie we watched was Happy Birthday. We wanted to catch something heart-warming but the movie wasn't as heart-warming as we had expected. I'm not as kind as Andy, I'm just going to spoil the movie here. If you haven't watched the movie, probably you shouldn't read further.

In the movie, 古天乐 contracted cancer and he chose not to tell 刘若英 about his illness. Even 2-3 years after he died, 刘若英 did not know the truth because before 古天乐 died he made his sister sms 刘若英 every year on her birthday.

I agree with Andy that 古天乐 did his best to give 刘若英 the happiness she wanted (e.g. He protected her from the bad news of his death and gave her the illusion that he was still her best friend who would always be part of her life ). However, i just feel that if 刘若英 is to learn of 古天乐's death, her life will be filled with endless regrets. Maybe because i'm a girl, so i tend to see this matter from a girl's perspective.

There are many reasons why a girl choose not to marry a man she loves. One of the reasons is because of the fear of losing the man. Normally friendship lasts longer than boy-girl relationship. Sometimes, the more a girl loves a person, the less she wants to get into a romance relationship with him. the more she loves him, the more she fears losing him. it does not help if the man does not give her sufficient sense of security.

However, things would be different if she knows he only has a limited time left. If she knows he'll die of cancer soon, she probably would not have anymore concerns about losing him to other women (and hurt her self-esteem) cos she is going to lose him forever very soon. Probably she'll learn how to treasure their love better, she'll learn to give more of herself to him and eventually believe in everlasting love. She'll learn that her life is blessed because she found a man who is willing to use his entire lifetime to love only her. Best of all, the man is also the only person she will love in her entire lifetime.

of course, these are merely my conjectures of what would have happened if 古天乐 had told 刘若英 the truth of his illness before he passed on. if he had told her the truth, they would probably spend the rest of their time together in blissful companionship that will enrich both their lives. 刘若英 and 古天乐 would have one less regret in their lives.

Conversely, if 刘若英 subsequently found out that 古天乐 had died and even after his death, he's love for her remained, then she would probably feel so regretful about not cherishing their time together, about not being able to give 古天乐 more of herself, and so much more.

Just imagine, if a person you care about passes away suddenly, you'll regret so much about not being able to do a lot of things for the person. it's all the same.

Actually, i thought anyone would think the same way as i do. it's very important for honesty to exist in any relationship. To me, when 古天乐 chose to hide the truth of his illness, i feel that he was being selfish because he deprived 刘若英 of her right to choose how she wants to handle their relationship. 古天乐 chose to become a self-declared hero who sacrificed his own happiness for the short-term 'happiness' of 刘若英. he was being silly.

of course the same argument would apply if 古天乐 had told 刘若英 about his illness, one would say that he was selfishly burdening 刘若英 with the obligation to fulfill his wishes before his death. then again, they had been friends for many years, the 默契 between them should have already given him the confidence that 刘若英 loved him and she would genuinely want to be with him out of love, not obligation.

Sometimes it is good to love a person the way he/she wants to be love.

However its also important to consider if he/she really knows how he/she wants to be loved.

It's just as important to know if you really know how he/she wants to be loved or is it just your assumption of how he/she wants to be loved.

It's a thin line between imposing your wishes on a person and enabling the wishes of the person to be fulfilled.

The best policy is still honesty. Communication is best when there's honesty, i supposed. I feel that in any relationship, it's good if any issue can be put forth before both parties to decide together. While it may be difficult to come up with a mutual decision, it's good if both parties can get each others' understanding of their decisions rather than having a single party imposing his/her wishes on the other party without giving sufficient notice.

It's a luxury to be given time to settle outstanding matters of the heart before one's death. there's no reason why not to make full use of it.