And so, I really got selected to go Australia.

And if there is no hiccups, I'll really go Australia.

I just found out that there are two other people going with me. I don't know them, and one of them is a guy, the other, i really have no idea who he/she is. If both of them don't back out, and if i am assured that they will be there to suffer with me, I'm less fearful of the unknown.

Now I'm left with finding out details of the bond and budgeting my living expenses (so important!). hmm if the bond is not to onerous and if i can manage my living expenses, i'll most probably sign it. Like Cheese says, take the jump.

Actually the whole thing is I signed up for a chartered accountant program that requires me to work and study in Sydney for 2 years under a bond. My understanding is I'll be paid the local Aussie audit assistant's salary and work as an audit assistant in the Sydney office (rightfully i should be working 38 hrs a wk? as compared to our min. 40 hr wk in SG). At the same time, I'll study towards getting accreditation as a chartered accountant Australia. School fees will be paid for. I'll just need to have enough money to pay for my rent, food, transport, clothes, play and travel. When i come back to SG, i'll be bonded for another 2 years in the SG office. 4 years in all.

The program requires me to study a hell lot of law modules, tax modules.... i hate tax. There are also several discussions and presentation sessions on top of regular classes and projects. On top of that, the timetable looks so packed and every module looks super intensive... ... I don't really like to speak up, present or what.. but i think its quite challenging. I can also foresee the stress and anxiety i'll go through... but I'm kind of excited.

Hope everything goes well. Thanks friends for your encouragements!

I haven't really spoken with my friends about this.

Grandpa has been hospitalised for a week. I think he wants to leave us but he can't. Its odd to say this here.

hmm when my maternal grandpa took sudden illness, i was angry that he wasn't sent to the hospital timely. i never believe that when old people take sudden illness, we should let them pass away at home. i believe in giving life a chance.

probing deeper, its just my selfishness of wanting to keep him with me.

this time round, my paternal grandpa took sudden illness. he was sent to the hospital rather timely. but no one wants to take him home. maternal grandma says he wants to pass away at home. he's hanging on for that. she's not the only one who says that. Several people (oldies from China) my mum enquired said the same thing. its supposedly a kind of mindset for these folks from China.

When i see him sleeping in the hospital bed, i feel so sad for him. not for his illness, but for him having so many children but few who think in his shoes and few who love him like how he loved them.

its kind of weird like how old people know when they are about the pass away. they started saying things they don't usually say, do things they don't usually do. yet, no one around notices. for both my grandpas, probably the last person they spoke to in their conscious minds is their respective maids.

Grandpa is 99 this year... come Oct we'll be celebrating his 100th. i'm not sure if that's what he hopes for.


another thing that's on my mind.

I kind of have a feeling that i'm going to Australia soon. Right from the beginning, i haven't been certain if that's what i really wanted.

I thought of doing masters overseas, but this feels too soon. If i go, it'll be like a work and study kind of thing.

A gf of mine is very encouraging. speaking to her makes me feel slightly braver about this. some friends also think its good for me to go. My parents are ambivalent about it. My brothers can't be bothered with me. I can think of 101 reasons why its so good to go. I can also think of many reasons why its good to stay put in my comfort zone.

so probably by end of this week i'll know where my future lies.

and meanwhile.. i wonder if i really go, how should i break the news to my grandma? She hangs a longing look whenever i bye bye her on Sundays.

很烦啊！

Been rushing day in day out so much so that i have a lack of sleep and a lack of good appetite... but I have lot more anxieties, a lot more tiredness, a lot more absentmindedness. Wonder why i feel emotionally tired and it doesn't seem to recover.

Thought i should still be going strong since i just came back from a break.

Then again, my reaction is slow and i adapt too slowly. Sometimes the pace in Singapore is too fast and too furious.

不我不愿意结束我还没有结束
无止境的旅途看着我没停下的脚步
已经忘了身在何处
谁能改变人生的长途
谁知道永恒有多么恐怖
谁了解生存往往比命运还残酷
只是没有人愿意认输
我们都在不断赶路
忘记了出路
在失望中追求偶尔的满足
我们都在梦中解脱
倾心的苦
流浪在灯火阑珊处
去不到终点回到原点
享受那走不完的路
....
《Extracted from 无间道(国语版)》


Probably i need to sweat out all the bad feelings! Will start looking for cheap yoga classes with flexible timing. =D

Just realised the look and feel of the 'inside' of blogger is slightly different. its a nice change.

This week is pretty fruitful for me! I managed to meet up with my nj classmates, uni orientation mates and a friend i meet about once a month. And I don't have to over work and even get to shop at vivo after knocking off.

Being able to meet my jc classmates makes me happy. Its like seeing how everyone has changed yet I still find them so familiar. Its not that I have something to say to everyone, somehow when it comes to old friends, i feel contented just seeing them. And its a nice nice feeling that QL actually stop-over in SG to visit us. She makes me feel like i must visit her at her country one day! I really do want to go over, either on work trip one day, or just there with friends. Was it one or two years ago, I almost flew there if not for a school project. I had planned to eat ice cream in Shanghai with a gf. haha in any case, if i go over Shanghai, I hope to go when the weather is cold so I can eat ice cream with whoever is there with me!

Seeing my jc classmates makes me feel like going back to school. I can still see the whole row of campers sitting at the back of the classroom, the girls sitting in front with a several other guy smarties, the teacher talking endlessly to the class and me finding it hard to concentrate while doodling away on my notes.

I miss sitting at the spectator stand overlooking our school track, miss sneaking out of school to avoid school events, miss drinking morning coffee at the canteen while chatting away with my sc friends, miss our pe lessons that are not meant for napfa preparation, miss our econs lessons, miss studying in school library, oh yes, i miss our school dessert - red tea jelly with logan + milk!

Come to think of it, my univerisity life is pretty cool too. I prefer our old campus at bukit timah. My better memories are those at the old campus, like sitting at the Zhong Yuan cafe outside our school library, playing pool in the middle of the night at student lounge, group lunches at the food haven, case laws and analogies at the law classes, project presentations, video making, interviews... hmm think i did so much more in the old campus than the new. Friends really make up a huge part of school life.

I heard from my friends that our financial accounting prof is using our group's project as teaching material in class. wow! we're so flattered! and i still remember its a financial projection for our cafe which we called 'muggers paradise'. guess it was after the project that i decided its difficult for a cafe to earn enough money to cover rental and make a decent profit. hhaa

Actually i miss doing things together with my uni friends. It was fun working on project with them, brain storming, listening and improvising on one another's ideas, ploughing through research material, making sense and jokes out of our finance projections, deciding how best to present, our rehearsal, the eventual presentation, the jubilantion at the end of the project, group lunch to celebrate our hardwork, busy mugging for exam and finally, our holiday!

how nice!

When i was stuck in school, i hardly thought of my life then as such wonderful memories. Now that i look back, i feel so blissed that i have so many great people in my life.

probably while i complain about my current work life, many years down the road i may start missing my current life and think of it as a piece of wonderful memory and no matter how evil some people are to me now, in a few years, they will probably be one of those people who have made a meaningful impact on my life.


Anyway, i was just surfing the forums and came across this Get-to-know-yourself Quizbox. won't say its accurate or what. I tweaked my answers a few times after the first try and ended up, i still think my first response is slightly more relevant to my current life.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

I'm enjoying a superficial aspect of life.

Most of the time I'm happy. I enjoy being busy, can be busy doing the meaningless things that keep me feeling a useful person. And feel happy at the occasional appreciation of my hard work.

I'm tired from the lack of quality sleep. Its getting on my nerves. Guess some people think I'm quite stressed from work. I think its because I don't have anything to occupy my mind other than work. Work is as important to me as how academic performance is important to a mugger. Its a lot of my personal fears thats causing me to behave the way I am now. Its not like I expect anyone to understand, its not anything i wish to talk about in-depth either.

I don't like how this is getting to me but I guess I'm not looking hard enough for a way out. Some times i really hope there's someone to tell me what to do.

Its not going to happen.

I tell people that I go to work everyday feeling like quitting everyday. I also tell people who care, that I am trying to change how I feel; I've been asking myself how can I make work something I can enjoy like a hobby? These days I'm talkative, I smile generously, laugh even, ... its like changing how I physically behave can, hopefully, condition my mind to think and my heart to feel differently. Seems like others feel more positive than I am.

Every time i hear of how people give up on what they've been doing for the past 1 year, I feel so tempted to follow. tsk. But I tell myself if there's anything i am good for, its my perseverance.

So in the end, I'm still stuck in a rut.


sometimes i think, if only people give one another more space and tolerance. If only there is no emotional dependencies, no commitment, no expectations. Yet everything good remains as they are. If only life is as definite as 1 + 1 = 2, life would be less complex.

Someone i miss thinks that if life isn't full of challenges it loses its fun factor.

The person has so much passion for life. If only such passion is super contagious...


And here's my fav song of all times,



And I found this website, Songfacts, that sometimes tells the story behind beautifully composed music. =D wonder if there's a similar website for chinese songs

一向以为自己是个果断的人，最近才发现原来我是个优柔寡断的人。

oh well!



I finally got to go Jurong Island last week! its quite rare that a non-engineer gets to go to such an ulu place huh! =D Actually i realise i have a liking for the construction industry. I like the environment itself, rugged and messy, its a little like myself (less the rugged part). The system is always lagging, there's always problem with their accounting process, and there is always room for improvement. If i ever leave my company, i hope to be good enough to do accounts for a construction company, revamp its system and make it the company with the best accounting process!

haha




and hmm i wonder what my future holds for me...


and i'm forced to go on leave. Have slightly too much toil and i haven't taken initiative to clear any. I ought to feel happy about it except that there's hardly anyone who i can play with. argh that's what i don't like about work life. School days are great, when we study we study together, when we holiday, we play together. How cool.

I met a wonderful guy last night!

被宠坏的人在有一点不如意的时候就希望身边有一个可以安慰自己的人，在累的时候希望有人对自己说“Good Job!"，在饿的时候希望有人煮东西给自己吃，在工作迟回家的时候担心地在家楼下等自己回来。

sigh.. i'm so spoilt and i have none of these.

i mean, i hope lah, but don't have.

Then last night, I have a cabbie who told me "Your lift lobby is just ahead right? I'll wait while you get into the lift. At least you can hear the car engine and won't feel scared!"

Wah, I was so so touched! It's not that I'll be scared or what, really, its his thoughtfulness. Especially for a haggard single woman who worked hard till late in the night, and have nothing much of a weekend to look forward to but more work, ... that thoughtfulness is an appreciation of my tiredness.

He must be a very fatherly person. Glad that i entertained him on the way home. haha at least i some sort of reciprocated his kindness.

Too bad his old and married =D

In the end, I wasn't bumped off to other department.

I had a great week bumping into old friends at my client's place. Actually I was just thinking, there are some people who I may bump into from time to time but i never 'hi' them excitedly. They are people i probably am familiar with in the past, so in a way, its awkward to meet them. This reminds me of the song 最熟悉的陌生人。 Hmm of course, there are times when i cock eye and seriously didn't see some familiar faces... not that i dao.

Anyway those two friends i met are people who came up to 'hi' me excitedly. I think I'm very blessed to have them in my life. Not only them, but the friends around me, people i enjoy spending time with, people i care for. So happy!

And i had durian yesterday!! hmm... so satisfied that Windz was willing to entertain me saying that that were the better durians he had eaten! hahahaa

Wish i have more time to play.

I just got a shock that I got bumped off to another department next week!

argh..................................................................................................................

i want to quit!

Trip Pics!

The best thing about this trip is my companions! Hope we have another trip soon!


Btw, this is my new favourite song! lyrics as follows:

Bubbly lyrics

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglees in a silly place

It starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is fallin' on my window pane
But we are hidin' in a safer place
Under the covers stayin' dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

They start in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way?
I just, mmm

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin' shows
'Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin' me tight

Wherever, wherever, where ever you go
Wherever, wherever, where ever you go

this video is cool!



Wonder how they manage to move at the same time... they look too uniform to be true, like puppets but sing really well. The lead singer has pretty eyes =D

Facebook is pretty fun =D now I have a page which I'll definitely visit when i log on internet from home. The games there are pretty fun, they're the kind of mind-numbing games i like haahaa

It's about three weeks to coming to a year in my current profession. Hmm it's definitely not easy working in this line. I guess its not easy working in other fields as well. Nothing is ever easy actually, but not insurmountable either.

When I see my friends who tendered, i thought people who leave are either too smart for the job or simply can't make the mark. Average folks are the stayers, like me. It's not bad being a stayer. But its not very nice when i hear not-so-nice things about people who quit. I still can't get over the fact that people gossip too much for their own good. Sometimes i can't blame my friends for not telling me where they are moving on to, everyone is just scared, scared that bad reputation (if any) will spread to their new company.

I thought of quitting too, especially around the Jan and Feb period when i was upset with clients, the team and the lack of sleep. In school, I never had to grapple with this kind of issue on month-basis. Bad projects usually get over in a matter of few weeks. I have a teacher who told me not to quit a job without staying for at least a year. She looked so concerned and so serious about it when she told me that. i promised her.

My 11+ months in the firm has done me some good. I learn on what i need to learn on the job and i do feel that i'm improving after each assignment. More importantly, i believe 时间可以磨去棱角. Like back then, i believe capability and some luck will be sufficient for me to survive a job. But now, i'm more accepting of the concept of building relationships with people. In the past, i thought it was more like using people for a motive, quite unscrupulous or using people to take short cuts. Now i realise that it really helps to know people who can help secure a job when I have no booking, to know clients well enough to obtain documents which people from past years were unable to obtain, to run urgent errands in office when I was posted to client's place etc... stress level becomes a lot more manageable =D The whole process is indeed some sort of making use of people, but when we are all friends, we don't feel used. At least when I help people out, i don't feel used or being ordered around. I feel happier even if i work late.

now I'm more accepting of people i used to shun from. that's quite a good improvement =D maybe i'm becoming a poker face now ... but heck la.

I have a vocational trainee who commented that I'm by far the most happy go lucky person she has worked with, she thinks nothing seems to get me down, she also thinks I'm the most drama person she's met in the firm! Hmm, i guess its not the first time i sense a deviance from what people think of me, and what i think of myself. Then again, its nothing bad. its quite cool that people think i'm coping well. Like a duck swimming in the water, people can see my graceful poise but not my frantic paddling legs hahaa good good!

Life's been very kind to me these days.

Nobitaland

Nobita has a wonderful dream. I also have a dream like him... the only difference is he has Doraemon to fulfill his dream while i am both a 'Nobita' and a 'Doraemon' to myself.


This is the legendary episode 1 of Doraemon - Dream town. Enjoy!

I finally created my facebook account!

still alive!

Wonder if this link works. Can play if u find time,

These days I've been having cravings... like craving for ramen from a restaurant at Central, craving for live music, craving for american bbq, craving for ktv...

I do get what i craved for.

I ate ramen at a new restaurant not at Central, its just that it doesn't taste as good as i imagined it to be. I also had live music at Musicdreamer. The atmosphere is great, nice people, nice humour, its just that i don't really appreciate how the songs were delivered. I had American bbq as well.... just that the bbq i had some years ago seem to taste much better. I had ktv too... but realised that a gf didn't enjoy herself as much as i imagined her to be.

Don't know what's wrong with me these days.

Nothing is bad. Its just that I'm not appreciative enough.

Wonder when my expectations got so high that either i challenge whatever i'm not contented with or i feel so disappointed that i shrink to my little corner.

I'm not upset or anything. Actually I'm quite happy. I smile a lot these days.

I'm doing fine. I'm pretty happy these days, have enough sleep, not working overly hard, eat well, going out with lovely people and i'm growing fat. Can't get down to exercise... feel like swimming but I don't want to damage my hair. =D

take care ppl.

These days I've been listening to 张震岳, 路口.

Just watched 200 pound beauty. I like the story and the songs =D

Happy Lunar New Year!

Hope this new year brings more happiness and better fortune!

My buddies, jq and windz, i miss you guys! I know jq misses me too! Don't know about Windz though. (I wonder if Windz will even read this...)

Even though it may sound like i'm telling myself this, but everyone, brace yourself for the new year and stay happy!

My lappy is dying on me. It has three big black spots on the two left hand corners of the screen and the third on the top right hand corner. Even if i'm willing to trade in my lappy, i guess no one is willing to take it. Anyway, i'll just use my 5 year-old lappy until it finally blacks out totally. Maybe i'll get a desktop in the near future.

I still remember how i bought my current desktop at home. My ex-bf had to choose the parts for me, then i had to lugged it home from sim lim by bus. Madness. don't think i'll ever find the strength to do that anymore.

Don't know why but I just suddenly remember the title of a book that was published some years back, '寂寞杀死一只猫'. I wanted to buy that book when it was newly published back then but don't know why i didn't in the end. The title is a bit morbid lah. Many times buying books depends on fate... sometimes the more i want to buy a book, the harder it is to find it. if i see that book the next time i visit a bookshop, i think i may just buy it in case i want to read in the the future.

...

have i mentioned how my colleagues think i'm a weirdo?

somehow it seems like i enjoy talking to myself, i mean, either thinking aloud or just rambling to myself. At first i thought that was what they found me weird for. but now i think that's not the case. They probably find me weird because i can choose not talk for long hours, just smile and nod or shake my head when they ask me questions. I make unexpected comments that is usually not expected of a quiet person. And my boss thinks i'm too lady to scold anybody. He's the first person i met who actually thinks i speak english at home. (i wonder how can the impression he has of me be so wrong.) hmm.. and my colleagues think i work slowly, think slowly, speak slowly and eat slowly. Too slow to be true.

The truth is I'm just uncomfortable with them. it's something like they're people who don't share 吴宗宪 sense of humour. And what i find unfunny is so funny to them. ar!

but they're nice folks. verbally mean but have big kind helpful hearts.

Erh, while typing this entry, i bought private (shhh.. i mean non sg pools) 4d through phone. So exciting.

Btw, I'm happy to see iw's comment, afterall we somehow haven't kept in touch for quite some time.

lastly, happy lunar new year.

(hope my lethargy is not rubbing off anyone who reads this. feel v sian 'cos my gastric is giving me problems again. )

orh.. look at this, i like the pair of eyes in the picture!

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?

schizoid
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I haven't blogged in a while. almost forgotten my password.

Just want to update people who care enough to find out about me on the blog but not enough to call me for a chat.

I'm doing fine. still the same old me. i still complain a lot about my job and i still see the many things as a conspiracy against me. These days i think people in my company are mad. I also think that people ought to go and do things that make them happy. And i tell that to myself a lot these days.

But i am happy because my gf's operation went fine and she is recovering well even though i wasn't with her throughout her ordeal. And i am happy because my friends are back in sg and they care enough to find the time to meet me on a Thursday afternoon and evening for meals even though they have other commitments for the day.

Sometimes i really think i don't need many friends. I am content with just a few great friends.

I really appreciate people who can spend time with me on very short notice. Just last week, i had to work till quite late on a Saturday night. I was hungry and tired. Then, i got an sms from a person i hardly contacted. And in just a few smses, we decided to meet up for dinner and dessert. I was tired but I was happy that I got to meet up with old acquaintance for a meal and dessert at the most unlikely hour of the night.

Sometimes i think there are many people who are willing to go out with people on short notices, but many times people are afraid to take the initiative to ask because the chances of rejection is expectedly high. I'm one of those people who fear rejection but I'm also the kind who doesn't mind short notices. but hardly anyone asked me out on that basis.

Come to think of it, couples (i mean bfs and gfs) should have a lot of such last minute meet-ups. =D

*shrugs*

Take care people.

(Windz, don't know if you still read my blog. We miss you! =D I don't know how else to reach you 'cos i heard that your internet connection is problematic and you don't seem keen on contacting us. Wee refused to tell us what you shared with him but I'm very interested to know. I not good at guessing thoughts. At the same time, I don't think it is good to impose my ideas on you. So when you feel like sharing, you can drop me a message on msn. Else nvm lah... You know, even though we can't do much for you we love you anyway!! (the guys probably won't tell you this though they feel this way about you -- esp Wee!) We'll save some activities for our gang when you return. Meanwhile, study well! And eat well. I think Wee slimmed down over the months, hope you're not like him!)